I Couldn’t Give Two F**ks.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is worth reading. I have learned many things so far, one, to choose what you will care about. You control your happiness.

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While I generally limit the amount of cursing and vulgarity on my blog, the use of the F word in this posting is purposeful. I am reading “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k” by Mark Manson and I am really enjoying it. I will admit it did take me about a chapter to adjust to his use of the F-word and other vulgarity, (because there is a bit), but I am trying to appreciate this in terms of his message. I choose to write about this today because where I am today, at this point in my life, it really is speaking to me.

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So, let’s paint the picture, I am sitting in Panera Bread working on my freelance assignment, stressing over my interview later today with a company that didn’t pick me the first time, happy I finally got a job, (a part-time retail), but knowing it isn’t enough to live on and has no benefits, worrying about finances, bombarded by emails from every retailer I shop at about sales, new fall styles, markdowns, and everything else, and just wanting to give into consumerism and go crazy but understanding that doing that will leave me in a worse financial situation and more stressed out! Oh it’s a cruel world we live in! So, as all of this (and more) is weighing me down, I am also trying to remember what I read from Manson last night.

To this point in the text, I have been faced to think about how I am always wishing I had something that I don’t have. for instance, more money, more work, more clothes, a certain car, a different dwelling somewhere nicer, etc. All of these wants and wishes subconsciously tell us that we are not good enough, we have not achieved enough, and that we are failing. We train our brains to think this way, we come to believe this and we are unhappy, overworked, stressed out, and we suffer, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Manson implores us to turn that on its head and only “give a f**k” about certain things. We are constantly bombarded with these trigger things and generally we simply react, but he says we decide whether or not to let it bother us. He talks about how when we are having a bad day, we go to social media and we see all these pictures from people who have f’ing perfect/amazing lives and we are pushed even further into our bad mood because we are convinced that we are having a worse off day than we actually are. Instead of just having a bad day and looking forward to tomorrow, we look at other people’s lives today and are convinced that we can never have a life like that and therefore, all of our days are bad days in comparison.

Damn, I don’t know about you, but that is a depressing concept to me. Lately I have been trying to remind myself how blessed I am despite all of the crap I am dealing with. In reality, I am not in danger of starving or being homeless. Worse case, I can break my lease and move back home or to my grandparent’s house. But I don’t have to do that because my parents are able to help and provide what I can’t come up with right now. I had the ability to go to an amazing university despite FAFSA not covering much. I have a car to get around, I can walk, talk and see. My family loves me and isn’t abusive. They are generally supportive. I have a great number of friends through Junior League, I am able to attend Junior League Southwest Conference next month, and I am in good health. There are many more things to be thankful for that I could list, but I think you get the point. So why do I still worry about what I don’t have?

Manson says that not giving a f**k, as he encourages us to do, is not actually being indifferent about everything, it is about being indifferent to the things that don’t matter. Those new fall arrivals at LOFT that I am not buying, they don’t matter. The new markdowns at Kendra Scott, those won’t help me be happy with myself. These are difficult concepts for me because shopping and buying makes me happy. But when you can’t do that, but you do anyways, remorse hits you hard. It’s a self-depreciating cycle.

My goal for today is to just give a f**k about what actually matters. I give a f**k about my freelance assignment, my interview this evening, and my safety on the road. Otherwise, I will ignore the emails that aren’t from a specific person, commercials that want me to buy something, and other’s actions that are infuriating, (like the a-hole who will inevitably cut me off sometime today :D). I encourage you to do something similar. Even if all you can do is choose two things today to ignore, to not give a f**k about. Life can be an amazing experience, so let’s focus on our own lives and figure out how we can be content so we can spread that contented feeling!

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Ah, the elusive confidence

You can create your own confidence. It does not have to scary or elusive. You have the tools, you are your best you and you can have the faith in yourself!

Confidence, what is it? Where does it come from? Who is to say whether I really have it, or I don’t really have it? It is an internal concept that people can see from the outside. Or they think they can. I had a conversation with a friend today and it made me think about confidence. I want to share these thoughts so they may help you.

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I was bullied throughout school. In elementary school it was because I was more physically mature than the other girls my age. In middle school, I am not sure why, but this girl decided she did not like me and she did everything she could to be cruel, including trying to have me jumped. She went to my high school as well and I feel like she was constantly trying to show she could do whatever I could. So, in middle school, I decided if people weren’t going to like me for no reason, I was going to give them many reasons to not like me. In high school, I began umpiring and I spent my money (pretty good money too) on clothes. I wore new stuff all the time. I drove, I snuck off campus for lunch, and I did my best at the sports I played. I was in ASB and I was an IB student. I tried to look like I had it all together and not a care in the world. I wanted to appear “Confident as F**k” (as the saying goes), so they might back off. I thought if they didn’t have the satisfaction of seeing me upset they would just go away. Obviously, that is never the case. Bullies are bullies because they dislike themselves, not you. But I didn’t know that.

Through doing all of this, I actually pushed nice people away and ended up with almost no friends and a really rough high school experience. And I ended up with a shopping addiction to cope with all that junk in my mind that I masked with this “super confident” facade. This was so bad that I couldn’t even tell people I would be going to a community college after high school. I was too ashamed that I couldn’t get into a 4-year university, (due to a bad counsellor and a lack of fine-arts units), and even worse, that I might not be ready for a four-year university.

So, last night I had an in-home jewelry party. While I was setting up, I kept telling myself that I need to social, I can’t be shy, I need to talk and mingle, I can’t be shy about my jewelry, the brand, why I love it, second guess the pricing, etc. My friend said he didn’t understand my lack of confidence because time and time again I have proven that I thrive in these social environments, that I am capable of selling in a conversational form and that I know my product, the brand and the reason why it is worth it. And he is right, the party was a tremendous success and the ladies were super excited to place orders. Once I started socializing, the rest just happened naturally. And I knew this would be the case, so why was I nervous? Did I really lack the confidence?

Confidence is defined as “the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.” By this definition, I suppose I wasn’t truly confident in the possible outcome of the party. I knew there were many different factors at play and that many different outcomes were possible. All I could do is be me, be knowledgeable and be friendly! But I did not feel truly certain. I think there are many things that we face on a daily basis that we are not truly confident about. We can have complete faith in ourselves, but lack it in others and that will affect our confidence in a situation depending on others.

In high school, I seemed like I had this confidence in myself, but I was constantly doubting myself because I was bullied. It is really hard to believe you are beautiful and awesome and smart and successful when people are telling you that you aren’t. But, ultimately, that confidence does have to come from inside of you. If I had portrayed an uncertain persona yesterday, been shy and not knowledgeable and helpful, I doubt the evening would have been a success. It was a success because I was these things. I started the night faking it but it quickly became the truth as the others believed that I was confident. And I was quickly able to truly feel that confidence as well.

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I encourage you to think about things you know about yourself to be true. What about you gives you faith in yourself? That is your source of confidence. It doesn’t hurt to surround yourself with things that lead you to feel confident either. I wore a necklace yesterday that I got a couple of compliments on before the party while I was going through my day. That helped me feel great. A great blouse, feeling 5lbs. lighter, a great hair day, or a new pair of power pumps can help us feel great about ourselves. When we feel great about ourselves, we walk straighter, we smile more, and people believe we are confident. In turn, we feel confident. This feeling isn’t built overnight, but it is inspired daily. So, what do you feel confident about? What faith do you have in yourself? Channel that, wear your favorite dress, and go kick some butt!

 

PSA – Blue Whale Game

I have been quite on my blog for awhile, I know. I have been trying to make sense of something I have read about online. Through research and soul searching, I think I have come to some conclusions and so, I want to talk about suicide in youth and the Blue Whale Game in this post.

If you haven’t yet heard about Blue Whale, it is a game started in Russia that takes kids through 50 days of escalating tasks leading to them committing suicide. The players are found through social media sites and are encouraged to join specific chat rooms where they post pictures of their tasks as proof and are encouraged to continue by other chat room members.  Pictures are often captioned with “I am a Whale” and other phrases relating to the Whale game. Why the game is called Blue Whale is not clear, some believe it may be alluding to the way whales beach themselves in order to die, or to attach to the negative phrasing of calling yourself a whale.

Just this week, one of the curators of the game was convicted on two counts of attempting to coerce two teens into suicide. Although he was originally arrested for 15 counts. It is possible that the reason why these curators are hard to find and capture is because they are utilizing the dark web to move between social media and redtube sites where they can have the victims upload their videos in ananominity. I don’t fully understand the way this works, but from my research, the darkweb allows you to hide your IP addresses, locations and identity. Unfortunately, the justice systems across the globe generally need some sort of proof/evidence, if you cannot prove its their IP or identity, how can you prove it was them? This means that these curators are still out there drawing teens in with their sick game.

Suicide is a very serious issue. Unfortunately, in order to decide that something is an issue, something drastic must happen. A couple deaths across the United States hasn’t yet been deemed drastic. It isn’t an emergency yet and there are still many who do not know about this issue. But I want to make sure that people do know about this. The game is ingenious in its design. The tasks serve direct and indirect purposes. A common task is to have the victim wake up early, about 4:20am for several mornings or to stay up all night watching horror movies. These type of tasks may seem better and easier for the victim than the tasks that require them to cut themselves, scratch their arms until they bleed and other self-mutilating tasks, but the purpose of the tasks is to make the victim tired, leaving them mentally unable to process the following information and make them feel alone, exhausted, strung-out and more vulnerable.

The tasks are both self-mutilating and serve to make the victim feel alone by telling them to tell their best friend that they hate them, asking them to ostracize themselves from their social groups. This makes the victim again, more vulnerable and prone to the kind of mindset that leads to the final task, suicide. The victims feel as if they cannot stop because they are told the curator knows who they are, where they live, and will hurt them and their family if they try and leave the game. It is a real game causing real deaths and it needs to be known, it needs to be stopped.

So, please, if you have children, know somebody with children, or just care about the people of this world, share this please. Suicide is the number two cause of death among teens. We do not need these kinds of sick games pulling these kids into feeling like suicide is their only option.

Please take a look at this sources:

Blue Whale Challenge: List of All 50 Tasks [UPDATED]

https://www.rt.com/news/396846-blue-whale-teenager-suicide-jailed/

 

Launching Your Own Business: An Interview with Breanna Reish

I had the opportunity to interview Breanna Reish who has stepped out and launched her own business to remain true to herself within her field. She shares some awesome advice on planning and self-esteem when launching your own thing.

Self-esteem is a huge factor in all aspects of our life, especially when we decide to launch our own businesses. Whether we are opting for a direct-marketing platform where the corporate side is handled by others or a self-employment model where we take our love and talent and create a business out of it, the better our business is and the success we reach is dependent upon how much we truly believe in ourselves. I recently joined a Manifestation group on Facebook, not realizing what it was when I joined, and although I don’t completely subscribe to their ideals, (that you can manifest anything just by believing it), I do believe that if we don’t believe in ourselves and what we want to accomplish, we are making it that much harder for others to believe in us and our product. For me, as a freelancer, I am my brand. If I do not believe that I am capable and that I can produce unique and publish-ready content, why would a potential employer believe it?

breannaFor Breanna Reish, self-esteem has been a huge factor for her. She recently left her 9-5 financial firm to start her own financial planning company, Wealth of Confidence, and is loving every minute of it. She was motivated to launch her own firm after realizing she wasn’t satisfied with what she was doing. Reish struggled finding how she fit in an industry that is investment heavy, while she prefers to focus on her client and their specific needs, investment based or not.

“I had years of experience working in it [financial planning],” Reish said. “And feeling that cruddy feeling – knowing how it feels to feel like I do not belong, and feeling like I am at rock bottom, wondering if I would ever make it. I would cry at night. I wanted to quit several times. My husband would watch me roller coaster every year and just said to me, ‘You know, if this is what you want, you have to do it.’”

Reish was also motivated by her two young children, she wanted to have more control over her schedule, giving her more time with her two young children and her husband. But she also wanted to be able to pursue financial planning for clients putting more stake in familiar obligations and needs in a field that is generally investment focused. While she can assist with investments, she loves to help clients learn how to prepare for the future, make financial decisions, and prepare for end of life.

Prior to making the decision to go out on her own, she started working with a coach who helped her figure out what her next steps would be and why.

“She peeled back the layers like an onion,” Reish said of her coach. “She got me to talk about why I was really doing this and she – before I met her I was frantic trying to figure out my place and then she really helped me hone in on why I was doing this, what is really important in my life – all of these things and it gave me a little more confidence, and focus.”

Since going out on her own, Reish has been able to enjoy time with her family and with her clients. Ensuring her clients’ needs are met and they are happy is her top priority. Wealth of Confidence is giving her the means to continue to do what she loves and help her clients succeed while also being there for her family.

“I will say that you do have to work your butt off and stay focused,” Reish said. “You can make it what you want. If you want your business to be at a certain level, achieve a certain goal, you have to figure out what that goal is and what that number is that you need to be making, and then put that much time into it. Your responsibility lies with your family and your children, whatever responsibility you have is to them. I do get to keep 100% of my income, but I am also responsible for 100% of my income now. My goal with the business is to, number one, take care of my clients, and in turn, take care of my family and be a good mom.”

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While she and her family are enjoying their newfound time together, starting your own business is not a simple decision. You need to take into consideration that you are now the one who drives business and income. Without clients or dedicating a certain amount of time to your business, a large paycheck can’t happen. Beyond that, prior to starting on your own, Reish cautions that you formulate a plan and determine what your family can handle while you launch your business. Going a couple months without a paycheck is a very real reality for many people who start their own businesses. Despite this, owning your own business can be as fulfilling for you as it is for Reish. It can allow you more freedom in your schedule and the ability to participate in more activities with your family. The key is to believe you can do it!

You can learn more about Breanna and her business, Wealth of Confidence, by visiting her website here.

Polyvore, Oh My!

I love fashion, styling and jewelry. Polyvore allows me to do all of this for free and for fun. I am constantly forgetting what is in my closet, especially newer things. I love this app because I can go, like what I own, or clip it, (especially all my Chloe and Isabel jewelry), and then style outfits with it. Check out some of my sets, I am always making more!

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I love apps like this that give us an outlet for our creativity. They also give us ideas about how to wear the latest styles and what to wear with them. I know sometimes I love new styles, but I have no clue how to wear them. With Polyvore, I feel like I am able to pick other people’s minds about how and what they would do. Plus you can put together looks without messing up your closet!

Follow me on Polyvore: http://jennlsch.polyvore.com/

Shop all jewelry: chloeandisabel.com/boutique/jenniferschmidt1

Favorite Summer Necklaces

My Favorite Summer Necklaces feature color, design and versatility. These styles are totally on-trend and will make you the envy of the summer BBQ!

I am a HUGE jewelry lover. I singlehandedly probably own more jewelry than you and your mother do. It is something I collect, I cherish, and I plan on sharing with my daughters and grand daughters someday. My favorite part about jewelry is that even though seasons and trends change, the jewelry you wear is always relevant. It allows you to showcase your personality and your likes. Simply put, I believe the jewelry you wear is representative of you!

I wanted to share some of my favorite pieces for the summer. There is also links for where to purchase them (click on the caption!).

  1. The head-Turning OMG Necklace
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Peacock Plumes Statement Necklace

This necklace is super beautiful! Totally in trend for summer with the turquoise color, but also perfect for fall with the dark green and light browns also found in it. The peacock design is reminiscent of loyalty, timelessness and beauty to me and I just love how well it goes with everything! It pops with a black, navy or brown solid top and brings a freshness to a white blouse.

 

This necklace is the product of the company I represent, Chloe + Isabel, so I can attest to the quality and beauty of the piece.

2. The Not-So-Simple Long Necklace

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Zayne Long Necklace

Give me a long necklace any day of the week and I will be a happy camper. They are so easy to put on and in a beautiful ivory stone, a no brainer!

 

I love Kendra Scott pieces because they are excellent quality, real stones and look beautiful. The best part of many of the pieces is the adjustable length that allows for decoration down your back too.

I am picturing this necklace in the rose colored metal because I love rose gold, but it also comes in silver and gold metals.

 

3. The Sliding Classic

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Sliding Ring Bolo Necklace

This necklace is so easy to wear! The O slides on the chains to be shorter or longer. It also has a lobster clasp in back to that is=t can be even longer or a bit shorter. The dangling chain is on trend, but the classic brushed gold look is minimalist and classic.

 

I will admit, when I saw this necklace in store, I picked it up right away. I knew I needed to have it and I have been so thankful I purchased it since! The chain is smooth and delicate but great quality. No way will it break on you. Plus, it is Madewell, so you know it is made well.

 

4. The Colorful Statement Necklace

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Golden Lotus Necklace

This necklace captured my heart because of the unique look and detail. Plus, it has colors that I love! I like the fact that the cord is silk and not metal, allows it to be light and comfortable on hot days.

 

This is another piece from Chloe + Isabel (I know! But I really love the summer pieces! They are so unique!). The metal has some movement so that the necklace moves with you. I just love the lotus design on this necklace.  It just makes me feel so relaxed and at peace while the colors make me happy!

5. The Metal Statement

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Georgina Gold Fringe Necklace

I am a wholehearted believer that every woman should have that one necklace that she can throw on with her leather jacket and band tee that makes her feel bad ass. This necklace is that for me.

 

This one is also adjustable so it can be longer and more casual, or worn near the neck for a real statement maker. The tassel design is on-trend but the classic style makes it a timeless piece.

Done in a gold metal, this piece will be perfect in any season and you will find yourself reaching for it more often than you anticipate. Kendra Scott sure knows how to design a kick ass necklace!

Visit the links and shop around! You can say so much with the jewelry you wear. And the bet part? It always fits, no matter what size, shape or weight you are! The jewelry you buy today will be the jewelry you wear for the next 10, 15, 20+ years.

Leave a comment and let me know what you love, hate or want more of!

 

Acceptance: Because I CAN Accept Myself.

After devastation hit Monday night, I felt rejected. I questioned why and it hit me today… I need to accept myself first. Strength comes from knowledge of self and I believe that means acceptance of self.

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Acceptance, such a simple word. It is comprised of the root ‘accept’ and the suffix ‘ance’ which denotes a quality or state or an instance of, in this case, accept. So, acceptance. We all desire this, even those of us who do everything in our power to be different, we want, need people to accept us as we are. We may be different, normal, stupid, smart, slutty. funny, fat, skinny, average, muscular, straight, gay, bisexual, or just plain undecided on all fronts.

Monday I got word from a potential employer that they were not going to pursue my application further. This came on the back on about four other rejection emails earlier in the day. I was crushed. I really wanted this position. It was everything I have seen myself doing, where I wanted to live, what I wanted to do, and I saw it opening doors into a future career after my Masters, if I pursued that route. And then they said no, I felt defeated, deflated and dejected. Now, I understand my job hunting woes are not singular to myself, many people are struggling finding a career, but I have always had such success. I have never been out of a job long. I got an interview and then I would get the job. In short, I felt I have always been accepted.

I received the email on my way to a Yankees/Angels game Monday night. I sat there, in the back seat of the car and felt my heart shatter. Now, the employer didn’t know that their email would have that affect, they didn’t know how invested I had been in my research, my planning, and my desire to make it work. I didn’t tell them and they didn’t ask. because those things aren’t ever communicated in the interview process. So, there I sat. I read the email and my heart broke. Tears welled up in my eyes and my shaking hands dropped my phone into my lap, I was devastated. I sat through that care ride wondering, “why?” Why didn’t they accept me?

There is that word again, accept. And when I wasn’t accepted by this employer I really wanted to have accept me, I began to reject myself. I began questioning myself. Was the issue me? Was I really not a “good fit” for the position, or did I simply lack the skill? Maybe I was just not the right look or personality or have the right motives, or the right ideas, reading the right books… gawsh the list could go on! I was questioning everything.

But then something happened. It wasn’t conscious, but the tears stopped and I shrugged my shoulders. I realized something, finally, that if I couldn’t accept myself, how could I expect someone else to accept me? If I keep talking the talk and not walking that same talk, how could I expect to get anywhere? Always being able to pick up a job led me to believe that I was being accepted, but I haven’t truly been accepted. I have played parts, in retail, in school, in sports. I was playing a role. Now, the struggle comes from the ability to pick the way the next several years of my life will go. Now, I get to pick a full-time job, something that requires skills, or maybe something that allows me to move where I want to be… I don’t know. Fear constantly looms on the horizon as I wonder whether I will be accepted by others. But maybe, maybe I don’t need to have everyone accept me. My acceptantance is enough.

Acceptance, insistence of accept, to be accepted. This blog is me accepting myself. And I have only just now realized that. I am honest here. I talk about things I actually want to talk about. It is great to have readers, and I hope what I have to say somehow touches you and helps you, but this is for me. I am accepting myself. Because I don’t need an employer to choose me to know that I am worth choosing. Because I am friggin’ awesome and really, it’s their loss. Not mine. And I can accept that.

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