Published at https://psiloveyou.xyz/why-guys-suck-at-online-dating-f486f52f7d56
So here is the problem, it’s very simple, guys swipe right on EVERY SINGLE WOMAN. And I am not just making that up. I have it on good authority.
My guy friend and I were having a conversation about online dating the other day. I have been urging him to get back out into the dating world. He is middle aged, so I suggested Our Time. His roommate, (who is like 30 but acts like he’s 21), suggested Tinder. So here he is on Tinder and Our Time. And he tells me about how on Tinder, “I just swipe right on all the women.” Quotations are no mistake! That’s a direct quote.
I laughed aloud. I couldn’t believe it. Well, I mean, I wasn’t surprised. I figured the guys don’t actually read our long thought out “About Me” sections. If they did, “420 friendly,” guys wouldn’t constantly “hit me up” when my profile clearly says “I HATE DRUGS.” Besides that, I just couldn’t believe he swipes right on everyone. No discrimination at all when browsing profiles. What’s even worse, he waits for the woman to message him. His reasoning is that he can judge them after they message him. And no, he isn’t suddenly concerned about deep, meaningful connections, or making sure they can carry on conversation. He simply has no desire to spend any time reading any woman’s profile.
Seriously. So, having done the online dating thing, I feel I can really speak to something here. I really slaved over my little “About Me” blurbs. I suspect many women do. I mean, we don’t want to sound desperate, or needy, or too available, or too eager, or, heaven forbid, we sound psychotic. So, I share this with my friend and he just looks at me like I have grown a third head.
I stared back at him, “Let me guess, you wrote, ‘Hi, my name is [blank]. Just ask.’” To which he just looks at me sheepishly. He goes on to tell me he doesn’t believe any woman actually worries that much about her “About Me” blurb. I, of course, disagreed. But whatever, I decided to take another approach. “So, what about when the woman messages you, what do you do?” My friend begins to tell me about how he will then look at her profile, just to get a better view of her picture. If she is cute, (as he so quaintly describes women), he will respond. If she isn’t cute, he ignores it.
At this point in the conversation I was seriously reconsidering my friendship with this guy. As I have said in my other post, “Why I Don’t Have Time for Online Dating,” every guy I messaged online I actually had hopes for. It took courage to message the guy and I really hoped he would message me back. And here my guy friend is, telling me that he just ignores the message is she’s not cute. I am sure when she swiped right and it said, “Match!” she was a little excited! She messaged him with hope for the future! But no, not cute? No response.
Now, I don’t claim to know how every man works and I don’t claim to know how every woman thinks, but I feel pretty confident that I am on the right page here. Swiping right on every woman does not lead to a fruitful search for a meaningful connection. It is actually kind of sad. I mean, does he think about how many woman he didn’t match with… And that means all the women he didn’t match with were not all swiping right. They were making choices. I wonder if his “Hi, my name is [blank]. Just ask.” blurb has something to do with his lack of matches…
So, I have determined, guys suck at online dating. Well, really anyone who swipes right every single time sucks at online dating. So, if you are one of those people, please stop! Your matches probably actually selected you. They have hope!